HOW TO LOVE THE QUEEN

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always made “The List”. This list was really the instructional guide (DEMANDS) of things a male had to do/don’t do in order to be in a relationship with me. I guess it’s true when they say, “You receive not, because you ask not.” Because the majority of the time I received what I thought I wanted and needed.

I have to be honest and tell you there were times that I received things through manipulation and deceitfulness. However, at that time, it satisfied a hunger in my life. As I got older, I started admitting how much I was requiring of my male counterparts compared to what I was giving. Please believe me when I tell you I was quick to dress up in sexy lingerie and cook a meal or two. These acts were provided when KOOLEY felt the timing was right and only the things KOOLEY wanted to do.

Until this last marriage, I never considered asking and LISTENING to what, when or how any man wanted anything. Until recently, I never cared. He got what I wanted to give and he had better love it. In actuality, I was trying to avoid giving him the things I was uncomfortable sharing. I had limits and I didn’t want anyone to require too much of me. I would do any and everything to avoid exposing this part of myself.

One night, I thanked him for treating me like a queen and then these words jumped out of my mouth-“Teach me how to treat you like the king you are." He quickly responded telling me that it should come naturally. So, I quickly reminded him how he was informed of what I consider romantic, scents l like and what flowers I dislike. I had to teach him what felt good and what did not. We’ve always talked about my needs, wants and interpretation of love. So, what does he REALLY need and want?

I know how to be a mother. I know how to be an employee. I sort of know how to be his girlfriend. But, I was never taught to be A wife...HIS wife. Don’t be fooled to think courting and marriage will be the same (that’s another post right by itself). I’ve learned so much over the past weeks. One of my “closest-mostest” reminded me to take the time to be welcoming and loving to my husband in the manner I want to receive love. That was a valuable nugget of knowledge. T4TT: Close friends

In just a small amount of time, I’ve seen a different kind of twinkle in his eyes. There is a different beat to his strut. I guess I am finally maturing. With that process, I want to make my man smile when he isn’t at the kitchen table. I want him to long for me before we enter the bedroom. I want to please him and be just as pleasing. I want to love him the way he needs it. I want to love him like the king he is…MY KING.

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

LIFE'S LESSONS

One thing is for sure-you will get what God has for you. You may delay it, fight it, deny it but you will eventually receive it one-way or the other. This isn’t just for financial blessings. This is true for life's lessons…lessons that you have to learn in order to get to the next level/position in life. This is true for consequences you must pay for your sins. This is true for His favor. WHAT GOD HAS FOR YOU IS FOR YOU!

In the past, a pastor taught me that everything in my life has been sifted. God only allowed the things that were part of my life’s purpose, part of His ultimate plan and only the things that I could handle. This statement has pushed me through some difficult situations and dark nights. This lesson was also an answer when I was baffled as why I receive certain undeserving blessings.

I am at the point in my life where I am in need of getting to the bottom of some things. I need to learn the lessons so I can be free. I am tired of trying to figure it out on my own. I am tired of carrying burdens around that are delaying my blessings. I am sick of feeling a sense of entitlement to something because I’ve endured so much. I am ready to get through all of this gunk to live a spiritually, emotionally and romantically clutter-free and peaceful life. I am ready to have and handle all that God has for me in a different manner.

I have my own opinion of some things that should be at the top of my list. I am in no ways limiting my growth to these things. In fact, I am willing to chuck my list and do whatever God tells me to do. However, I would like to work on my controlling issues that are probably based on fear of not being able to trust anyone, not even myself. I want to learn how to be content where I am in order to be able to move to the next level. I would like to be happy with myself so I can be happy with someone else.

I didn’t get this way overnight so I don’t expect to be able to change everything in 24 hours. I am aware that God’s timing has nothing to do with my timing. I am an eager student waiting to learn more every day. I am expecting and faithfully waiting to receive ALL that God has for me.

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

ANOTHA LOVE T.K.O.?

As I always say, I am not a professional. I am just giving my opinion based on my experiences and/or what others have shared with me. With that being said let’s get straight to the point…MARRIAGE IS NOT FOR PUNKS. I know the word “punk” isn’t politically correct to use. Alllright, I’ll change it to “weak”. Marriage is not for those that are weak.           

It takes a lot of patience, communication, time and effort from both people. You will never give equally. One day you will give 95% and your spouse will give 5%. Rest assure you will have your seasons of only giving 10% and your spouse will have to sacrifice the other 90%. You can't be selfish and expect to stay together. Nope, I had better take that back, too. You CAN be selfish and stay together. I just think it is a breeding ground for bitterness, resentfulness and disrespect. Who wants to deal with all that miserableness?

Lawd knows I love my husband. But, there are days (a lot of days…too many days) I want to kill him dead. I know that’s harsh. I don’t doubt that he feels the same about me at some point. And, that’s OK. I often wonder if I have what it takes to hold on to him and our marriage. I wonder IF I want to continue to put forth effort.

All of this should have been sorted and decided before I said, “I do”. I thought I had. I thought I was ready this time. I thought I love him so much that I could spend the rest of my life with him willingly. When I just say that statement-“F-O-RRRRR T-H-E R-E-S-T OF MY L-I-I-I-F-E”…it’s like a Matrix movie going on in my head. Everything slows down! Time almost stands still. I begin to feel like I am serving a life sentence with no chance of parole. I begin to plea my case and ask for leniency. I buck against my vows.

                                                   
Then there are those days I see him looking at me with so much admiration. His eyes yell, telling me that I made the right decision. I remember that he does everything in his power to keep a smile on my face. That makes my heart grin. He takes so much and asks for so little. He has sacrificed a lot of his time and sleep for my sons. He treats them as if he helped bring them into this world. These things were required before the marriage and were given to me. These things slap me in my face stating that I am not perfect and have no right expecting him to be. These are the things that remind me to hold on a little while longer.

I guess I’m not ready to throw in the towel. I have a few more rounds in me…

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

IT'S A DOGGON' SHAME

I was taking a brisk walk in my neighborhood. I looked back, as I often do, and saw a man being pulled by two pit bulls. He was talking sort of loud so I assumed he was giving his pets commands. I picked up my pace in hopes of them veering off the path before I had to turn around and walk towards them. Of course, they were right there headed my way. I decided to just let them have the sidewalk. I jumped in the street and kept my swift strides. OK, I was scared for a reason. I was once circled by pit bulls while taking a walk one morning. All of those memories came rushing back.

The closer they got to me, the more nervous I became. Finally we were “Dress Right Dress” to each other. That’s parallel…to you civilians. The man said, “Hi, there”, and then continues his cell phone conversation. Then I focused and looked down at the objects moving at his feet. I heard, “Hello”. I burst out laughing. What I thought was a man being pulled by his pit bulls was in fact a father holding on to a strap, connected to his son’s tricycle. All that adrenaline for nothing.

Someone please help me find my glasses. Seriously, after I calmed down I was reminded that this is how I handle so many other situations that enter my life. I see or hear something. By just taking a glance, I size it up. Although I wouldn't have the pertinent information I start to panic or get too excited. I find all sorts of reasons why I can’t do it. When in all actuality, I am making some important decisions on mirages. And, this my dear, results in a lot of mistakes, unfulfilled goals and plenty of regret.

The moral of this blog is 1) Always keep up with your eyeglasses 2) Get all the facts before making a decision 3) There is nothing to fear but fear itself (Ummmm, I think we need to add-God and seafood-I'm allergic).

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

WHEN...AND

1. When I find the correct bra size AND it is comfortable

2. When I find a cute pair of shoes AND they don’t hurt my next-to-the-baby-toe on the right foot

3. When on the first try, I get my gravy’s texture AND taste just right

4. When my sons notice I have on something new AND they like it

5. When I am invited to someone’s party AND I just have to bring something store-bought.

6. When I have a general conversation with my husband AND both of us are genuinely interested.

7. When I spend quality time with my mother AND she’s in an humorous mood

8. When I can perform an anonymous act of kindness AND get to see the recipient surprise facial expression

9. When I have the opportunity to see my husband well rested AND his light brown eyes changes to a gorgeous hazel color

10. When my sons grace me with one-on-one conversation AND they ask me for my opinion

11. When I start sharing my life experiences AND I am asked to start blogging



In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

…UNTIL YOU WALK IN HIS SHOES

I DESPISE to see older men wear those slides, especially with socks. My husband LOVES to wear them just like that. Now, I believe there is a time and place to wear them…when your age is under 25, you are headed to take a shower in a public place or in your home. These are just my opinions. I know I am not the Fashion Police.

Well, this past weekend I had to swallow my words. I had on a pair of wedged-heel flip-flops. They were gray in color and covered in rhinestones. I needed to share all that with you because secretly I thought my shoes were better than my husband’s ugly slides.

But, (a Pastor taught me that once you use the word “but” in a conversation, everything before it is irrelevant) I was provided a rude awakening. I was strutting through the hotel’s lobby and heard a snapping sound. After taking a few more steps, I realized that the piece that goes between my toes on my flip-flop had broken. What could I do at this point? I refused to take the shoe off and walk barefoot to reach the room.

My husband looked down at his feet and said, “Since I have socks on with my slides I will give the slides to you. That way, neither one of us will have to walk barefooted in this public area”. I slid my feet in his shoes quicker than a child can leave a classroom at the last bell.

At that point, I started feeling all gushy inside. He was demonstrating the love that God has commanded us to show. As much as I have dogged him out about those NICE slides, he could’ve just as well kept on stepping leaving me to absorb all the germs alone.

That was another lesson learned. Never complain about someone else ‘s journey unless you have broken your flip-flops, slid across a hotel floor, almost broke your neck and given the honor to walk in someone else slides!

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

L. IS FOR…

Liked some…lusted over more…longed for…lied to…learned from…laughed with…listened to…left too quickly…lingered around way too long…leaped in too fast…laid in bed crying over…lost some respect for…lowered my standards…latched onto promises…livid at times…loaned out pieces of my soul…

All because...

Lacked self-esteem…looked backwards too many times…loyalty wasn’t in the equation… loneliness was my enemy (so I thought)…ludicrous ideas…little knowledge…litigious spirit…

Then...

Lessons were learned…
Love appeared…
Long-suffering is a thing of the past…
Living life to the fullest with no regrets…

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

VASELINE AND SPANX

I am guilty of being negative and a complainer. My therapist advised, “When things aren’t going your way or seem unbearable stop right then and start naming things that you are grateful for, never repeating. Think of all the things that you have accomplished (especially, the things you didn’t think you could achieve)". There are times I can spit things out and other times I have to really concentrate. I’ve tried this exercise on Facebook a few times. However, the responses were always the same- "I am thankful for Jesus, salvation, health, kids, jobs, significant others, friends, houses and cars". Don’t get me wrong, all these things are important and I am grateful for them, too. However, when you can’t repeat things, it can get very interesting.

I’m going to start my THANKFUL LIST in this post. Every now and again, I will add to this list as a new post or include it in a post that is on different subject. You will be able to recognize them because I will always use “T4TT” (THANKFUL 4 THESE THINGS). Here goes:


1. Vaseline

2. Spanx

3. That someone invented the air conditioner

4. The shoe pads that you place inside of your shoes to keep your feet from sliding

5. The person that came up with the recipe for biscuits

6. That my sons will sit in my bedroom until I fall asleep when asked


As long as we are living there should be something that we are grateful for. Heck, if you passed away to another life and go to live with Jesus, that is definitely something to be thankful for!
T4TT~ 7. People that read my blog

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

WEIGHING HEAVILY ON MY MIND (lengthy post)

"SISTA BIG BONES" sung by Anthony Hamilton is one of my favorite songs. As far back as I can remember I have always been mindful of my weight. Maybe I should say I’ve been concerned about my appearance. This has been an issue up to a few days ago. Can you believe I have been dealing with this nonsense for close to 28 years? This is the main reason I want to work with young females. Having low self-esteem can lead to a lifetime of mistakes and hurt.

In the early part of the summer in 1984, I experienced a tragedy. At that time, I didn’t tell anyone. I carried that weight around for years (literally). For the remainder of that summer I stayed in Virginia with family. This is when I started using food for comfort. This is also when I became ashamed of my body.

When I returned home, the neighbor looked at me and said, “Wow, you’ve gained weight. Your thighs are rubbing together.” Although, he probably wasn’t saying it to be hurtful, it planted a seed of low self-esteem and shame. There I was dealing with “The Secret”, doubting my decisions and thinking my body was the blame. This was confirmation (so I thought). From that moment, I began hiding my thighs, to the extreme of carrying a towel around to cover them while I was sitting. I also started eating more as a means to self-mutilate.

Over the years, I continue to use food for comfort. Whenever I experienced terrible thing I used food to cope. Finally, the weight became more than my body could handle. I was advised to have the Gastric Bypass Surgery. I did. I lost 140 pounds. This was not an easy way out as many people thought. Over a 10-year span, I gained 40 of it back. I’ve had four surgeries, became allergic to seafood (my FAVORITE food), suffer with arthritis in my knees and have to deal with more aches and pains than most people my age.

So what’s the point of this blog post? There are two reasons. One, I’ve decided to just accept my body for real this time. I am a woman with curves. I came from a long line of large frame, hippy and full breasts women. I can’t expect to be tiny when my bones and booty weigh a lot right by themselves. My thighs fight each other when I walk. And, my days of wearing stilettos are long gone. I have arthritis in my knees and daily pain, therefore I will just have to adjust my diet, daily activities, exercise, and sense of style to accommodate it. That’s until God heals me or my knees are replaced. I will focus on getting healthy. I am already blessed not to have some of the other health problems that are usually associated with not being the world’s ideal size such as hypertension, high cholesterol or active diabetes.

Two, never allow anyone to change how you view yourself. Someone’s opinion does not make it true. If we concentrate more on being healthy and less about our dress size we would save ourselves a lot of anguish. God made each one of us just the way He wanted us. Some have blue eyes. Some are tall and some are short. Some were meant to be small and some of us were meant to be thick, big-framed, and curvaceous. DEAL WITH IT! 

 In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

THIS IS GONNA HURT ME MORE THAN YOU

“BULL CRAP”…this is what all of us probably were thinking when we heard this from adults as we were growing up! However, now that I am a mother, I concur. Executing tough love to anyone hurts us mentally and emotionally. Good Lawd, it’s even more difficult when we have to do this with our own seeds.

In spite of everyone around me telling me that I was wrong, there were times I had to cancel Christmas, not celebrate birthdays, enroll in private school in the wilderness, sit’em on the bench and take away all things used for entertainment. Believe me when I say, these weighed heavily on my heart. No good parent wants to see their child hurt or disappointed.
Not so long ago, I had to push one of my birds out the nest. People questioned his maturity and his competency levels. At first, I felt a little guilty. I started to second-guess my decision. Then I thought of all I had done to prepare him for this. I had prayed and planned for years.

First, I made sure he attended church. This taught him how to have a relationship with Jesus. Next, I sent him to a private school in the wilderness for a school year. He learned to survive and weather the seasons, literally. He listened to me and joined the National Guard. This was to teach him a trade along with coping and life management skills. In addition, along the way, I taught him how to survive domestically. He learned to clean, cook and pay bills. I enrolled him in all programs that I thought would help him mentally.

My Two Birds

I gave him a deadline and brought boxes home. When that day came, I was one elated mother. Please don’t think I thought of him as a burden (although, my grocery bill might decrease). My oldest birdie was getting ready to face the world. He had the lessons and experience. Now, we had to see if he could fly alone (not really alone, Jesus has him covered). Yesterday, he called to tell me that he landed a job. Wow, I really do know my child. It was hard for me to stop carrying him, yet I knew it was time for him to take flight and start his own journey.

I know he will make mistakes. He is welcome to come back home if he really…really…needs to (shhh, don’t tell him that). Although it was a tough take off, I believe he will soar high and have a smooth journey. One down…one to go!

Psalms 139:9

9 If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea;

10 Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me.

(My favorite bible verses)

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

SWEET SUMMER

I HATE SUMMER! If you really know me, you already know this. Wait. Let me back up. I’m grateful that I am among the living and can feel the heat. Yet, I rather have spring, fall or winter any day of the month. I complain so much and become so irritable when the temperature and heat index rise. But, the other morning I was taking a cool shower and some sweet summer memories started flowing.

The cool water reminded me of the few times we were allowed to play in water using the water hose. Then we upgraded to a Slip and Slide. Being outside wasn’t the fun part. It was the privilege of getting my hair and clothes wet. This was a rarity. I declare if I inhale hard enough I can catch a whiff of the smell of wet hair and Ultra Sheen hair grease.

                                                       
Then there were family trips. You would think we were preparing to fly to another country judging by the excitement (which made us unable to sleep) and how much food was packed. I hated the fact that we would be outside all day whether it was the beach or King’s Dominion. However, I loved being amongst by cousins. Because our parents were engrossed in their conversations, we could talk about anything and laugh about everything without being reprimanded.

How did I forget about July the 4th at the Town’s Common? I didn’t care about the fireworks. I was more interest in what FRESH (yes, I wrote that) outfit. I remember the airbrushed t-shirts and biker shorts. Then there was the year we wore the Esprit pajama short sets outside. The freedom of walking Downtown with my friends, hanging out all day and walking home in the dark made enduring all the heat worthwhile.

I guess the best part of the summer was Labor Day. This was the point when I could relax…summer was almost over. It was the time to go back to school after we had our family reunion. Back in the days, we just had one reunion and all the families came together. We would be outside all day. Well of course, I would go in to get something in the house and didn’t return for hours. I just stayed out the adults’ way. My grandmother house and yard would be so full. I would hear my great-aunts and uncles in their cutting up, laughing and singing. This was a treat because in those days youn’uns weren’t allowed to sit amongst the grown folks…”tending to their business”. The joy of your cousins “from the city” coming was almost too much to bear. I knew I would be staying up late and swapping stories to catch up.

Whew, finally mom would pull out the undershirts (now we call them t-shirts) and pack away the shorts and sundresses. We would go shopping for school clothes. And, the Pitt County Fair would be right around the corner. I always believed the Fair was bringing the cool air to us every year. Once the last stuffed animal was packed and the remaining rides disassembled, I could finally relax. The dog days of sweet, summer was gone and the fabulous days of fall were knocking at my door!


In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.

THE START OF KOOLEY'S CREATIONS

     Wow, Kooley has a Blog. I succumbed to the peer pressure. My family, friends and associates have convinced me to write my thoughts, lessons and TRU STORIES and share them with the world (I just think they were tired of me taking up some much space on Facebook). Honestly, I never thought anyone would find my words interesting. By no means do I think I am an expert on anything. I truly have plenty to learn myself. However, I have experienced so much in the 40-something years I’ve been on this earth. Some good, some bad, some were self-inflicted and others were brought on by no choice of mine. Nevertheless, I've learned to take it all in stride. I never want any sympathy. I am not a VICTIM. I am a SURVIVOR.

     Writing has always been my outlet. I declare so many things happen to me so I could have plenty of material to share. I was told that I see things in an entirely different light. Some say I tell too much of my personal business. I’ve even heard that no one really cares and I am just giving them something else to discuss. After some time, I realized that people are going to talk, like and dislike no matter what I do or say. If my words could help just one person then my struggles and sacrifices were not in vain.

My heart's desire is to eventually reach out to young females that are having difficulties in their life. Until that time, I will continue to learn, grow and soak up all the experience and wisdom I can.
Come and take this journey with me…

In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.