It takes a lot of patience, communication, time and effort from both people. You will never give equally. One day you will give 95% and your spouse will give 5%. Rest assure you will have your seasons of only giving 10% and your spouse will have to sacrifice the other 90%. You can't be selfish and expect to stay together. Nope, I had better take that back, too. You CAN be selfish and stay together. I just think it is a breeding ground for bitterness, resentfulness and disrespect. Who wants to deal with all that miserableness?
Lawd knows I love my husband. But, there are days (a lot of days…too many days) I want to kill him dead. I know that’s harsh. I don’t doubt that he feels the same about me at some point. And, that’s OK. I often wonder if I have what it takes to hold on to him and our marriage. I wonder IF I want to continue to put forth effort.
All of this should have been sorted and decided before I said, “I do”. I thought I had. I thought I was ready this time. I thought I love him so much that I could spend the rest of my life with him willingly. When I just say that statement-“F-O-RRRRR T-H-E R-E-S-T OF MY L-I-I-I-F-E”…it’s like a Matrix movie going on in my head. Everything slows down! Time almost stands still. I begin to feel like I am serving a life sentence with no chance of parole. I begin to plea my case and ask for leniency. I buck against my vows.
Then there are those days I see him looking at me with so much admiration. His eyes yell, telling me that I made the right decision. I remember that he does everything in his power to keep a smile on my face. That makes my heart grin. He takes so much and asks for so little. He has sacrificed a lot of his time and sleep for my sons. He treats them as if he helped bring them into this world. These things were required before the marriage and were given to me. These things slap me in my face stating that I am not perfect and have no right expecting him to be. These are the things that remind me to hold on a little while longer.
I guess I’m not ready to throw in the towel. I have a few more rounds in me…
In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.
