Pain…some people like certain kinds…some despise all forms.
Some say it is good for the soul and part of life. Others say we bring it on
ourselves and we deserve what we get. I've even heard it was necessary in
order to heal. Personally, I can relate from most points of views.
Like a toddler, throughout my life, I continuously “touched”
things that I was distinctly taught not to touch. I looked around, thought no
one was looking and went for it. I was wrong on several accounts. But, the two
delusions that stand out the most are these: 1). I was being seen; God saw me
and 2). TRYING to satisfy the flesh wasn't worth the trouble! There were times
I knew heck well what the painful outcome would be. Sometimes I chose to
feel hurt rather than feel nothing. Because sometimes being numb is worse than
feeling the sting.
As a child, I remember a mosquito bit me and the bite formed
a blister. Although it itched like crazy, it caused no pain. My grandmother
told me that she would need to heat a needle, burst the blister and then pour
alcohol on it to prevent an infection from forming. “WHATTTT? You want me to
allow you to MAKE it hurt when it isn't at the moment?” I thought. Then it hit
me-at some point pain in the present might be
necessary to prevent weeks of anguish/infection in the future. This is one of
life's lesson I stored on the back burner to use later.
Over the years, I fell prey to various people and the pain
they caused. However, I must admit, there were times I knew certain people,
places and things were going to end up hurting me yet I ran towards them...head
on! I started carrying around so much hurt until the weight of it caused me to
become numb on the surface and infected in my soul. Then...EUREKA...I remember
grandma's lesson.
In order to begin to heal I had to
first stop covering the wounds up with various bandages like, anger,
promiscuity, alcohol, busyness and sleep. Then, I had to scrap off the
scabs by no longer pushing it to the back of my
mind and/or living in denial. Next, I had to re-open
the wounds. I did this by talking with a therapist
(exposing my filthiness) and public forums
(taking the risk of affecting others with my unpleasantness). I needed to take the risk of further
contamination in order to heal properly.
People often ask if this is such a raw feeling, why do I
keep exposing my afflictions? I tell them it’s so I can properly heal and to
show someone that although it hurts like hell at the moment, you can survive. I
know none of the things I went through were in vain. Because going through the
different stages of pain allows me to identify others who also have "scabbed-over" hurts. And, just maybe while waiting
on complete healing, we can help each other not feel shame and
move on through the healing process...one wound at a time.
In all things pray and seek the Lord. Allow Him to help you make decisions-not Kooley! These are just my thoughts, opinion and experiences.
